The Last Goodbye

I'm writing this for me, for him, for us, and for all that we were.

I write this to remember it all, but most of all, to remember you, my soul dog.

Throughout my life, I have had many pets. Truthfully, I have never been without a pet for more than a year or two. But with loving a pet comes the heartache of saying goodbye and having to let go. A soul pet is in a class of its own - more than just a pet, a friend, and a companion, our soul pets are/were a part of our very being, a deep level of understanding that can only be achieved through knowing one another on a level that could never be put into words. You were mine, Tater tot, and I was yours.

And now, you are no longer here, and my heart aches not having you by my side. So in honor of you, in memory of us, with love pure and true, we just keep on going and this, my dear boy, is a letter of love, the deepest love. This is a Thank you.

My dog, Tater tot, passed away on Saturday. It was a beautiful sun-filled day, and we knew it was coming. The week prior was spent with that knowledge and living our moments together to the fullest, and that day was no exception. We took a long hike in the woods with many hippo swimming breaks for him to roll around in the water and mud as he so loved, then we sat by his side - not wrought with sorrow or grief (although those were present), but with love and gratitude, because that is what he deserved. He deserved to know how incredibly thankful we were to have him, how blessed he made our lives, and how loved he was EVERY. SINGLE. DAY, barking, and attitude included. He made our lives what they were, and our lives are happy, and so that day was full of love, not pain.

No, the pain came afterward. Now, because I don't have him by my side to pet away my sorrows, he would always heavily lean against me and show me that my sad/hurtful emotions made him anxious, and he needed me to be strong and keep going, and to remember he was by my side (hard to forget with 70lbs of a hard lean). That beautiful reassuring weight is gone now, but the lessons he taught me are not. Although there are moments that I completely break down, and crumble in on myself, as sobs of sorrow escape my throat, afterward, I pick myself up and remember the love that he gave our family.

I was sitting outside the next day, in the spot that Tater tot used to chew all his sticks, having a moment of sorrow and remembrance, when I laid down and looked up at the sky, staring up into the clouds as the tears were streaming down my face and I heard a gentle, yet beautiful "Hi" I looked over, and my baby girl had left her father's side and found me. Chad saw my state and came over to our girl, lovingly picking her up in his arms, and brought her over where we all three laid down at his favorite chew spot looking up into the sky. I couldn't help but know that you led me to those moments. You, my beloved pup, my bubba, my boy, blessed my heart and my life in so many unimaginable ways that all I can keep saying is Thank you.

I miss you.

I love you.

Goodbye.